What does it mean, when they say NO

This video was created as a reply to the questions of our clients. You can listen to or read the tapescript below.

Sometimes, I see there are too many negative replies in your feedback table. I feel how frustrated you can be at the moment, but I ask you to listen to me for a moment and I’ll try to explain why it did happen so and what can be done to improve your profile and choice in order to get more positive replies next time. You can ask – I am ready to come from another part of the world to see her, why she denies me to have a cup of coffee and small talk? What does she lose meeting me?

First of all couple of words about the agency. We run our business for almost 20 years and I’m working here since 2004 and during last 14 years it was my aim to change the attitude of the ladies towards the meeting. We make them agree only if they may consider the profile that they receive as a potential match. We organise the meetings at our office, not in a fancy restaurant, we do not ask the men to bring expensive gifts in order to stimulate the desire of coming to the meetings. We are doing all possible that the lady comes to the meeting if she is really interested. That’s why if you have 10 meetings at the agency, there will be 10 girls, interested in you, 10 real chances to find the love, not just 10 coming for a free lunch.

So if you apply to another agency, that doesn’t have such a strict policy about the consent to the meeting, if you run into the agency, who “rewards” their ladies for coming, you’ll see completely another feedback list. But in that case maybe you will meet 10 ladies, that are closer to your ideal, but who can be absolutely not interested in you. What will be your choice?

So. Now to your profile. Everyday we deal with hundreds and hundreds of responses to mens’ profiles. And now I know almost everything why the ladies say yes and no to the profiles. 1. First of all – age. In our standart welcoming letter i mention that we do not recommend to select the ladies more than 15 years younger that you are. Actually, it’s average age difference, but it vary from profile to profile. Sometimes, some profiles with 20 years difference gain positive replies, sometimes we cannot find even the elder ladies that, saying “yes to a dress”

Why does it happen? First of all, I should say that Minsk/Belarus is not Phillipines, not Africa. Most of the ladies that you see at our pages, have university degree, many of them have good job here, run their own businesses, they are not starving, they are not desperate. Yes, we have less men than women in Belarus, that’s why they cannot find the husband here. And that’s why you come here, to find not just a girl, but educated, smart, good looking girl with normal family values. But 30 y.o lady with model look, good job and good education hardly will consider 50 y.o. divorced track driver from a small city, if he is not Brad Pitt. Same as in your country. But unlike with your country she can consider somebody 37-45 if he as we say is “standing firm on his feet” (has good job or own business), attractive to her and leads an interesting life and their wish to have a child is mutual. And it’s not a goldseeker, she considers somebody that can provide her the level of living at least not less than she has here. Why shouldn’t she?

Your profession, your education are important. In general, they look for somebody more or less of their level of education. Of course, there are exceptions, like one the couples that we have, where she was professor of linguistics, and he was butcher. But more probable that someone with university degree would consider someone who had some post-school education, at least with college or post graduate professional courses.

But the difference in age and social level it’s not all. They say, that man love with their eyes and the ladies – with their ears. It’s not 100% true. The lady should feel attraction to the photos you send. in general, the lady decides same as you: first upon photo: i like him or I do not like him. And only after that she starts to read the profile. Yes, it’s important that your photos are well-done. That they underline your personality, that they show you in the most effective way. If you are Brad Pitt – let she see it on a clear and quality photo. If not – maybe you are good cooker? Show her your kitchen and you working there. Are you good at sports, or you enjoy mountains every week-end – show it. You are good man for family – show you at your house welcoming your friends. If you are businessman – photo in nice costume will be good. If the lady receives photo where you are drinking big bottle of beer at the street or laying on the sofa in undershirt – she automatically comes to conclusion that you are good only in that kind of sport.

What else is important in the profile? Your previous family. If you have 5 kids from different mothers it’ll not be the pro for your lady. If you are not divorced, but separated – it’s a red flag for the lady, as she understand, that even if everything goes well, you will not be able to marry her and to bring her to your country in a foreseeable future. Your wish to have child / not to have child – it should be mutual. If you don’t want anymore to have children and she is longing for it, she will say no even if your difference in age will be 5 years. And vise versa. She can say no, if you want to become a father and she doesn’t plan it anymore.

Sometimes country is important. The citizens of well-to-do countries are more popular than the citizens of places with unstable economy (like in many places of Southern America). Citizens of close to Belarus country are more”popular” than citizens of Australia and New Zealand. Taller candidates are more popular than short language abilities are important and so on.

There are some things that you cannot change anyway: for example your height / your weight / country / quantity of children etc. But there are things you can change to make your profile more attractive. you can think about interesting photos, good description of your education and profession, of your personal interests, dreams and desires.

I do not recommend you to lie anyway. If you lie about your children – you will come to the meeting, pay for it, but if it’s unacceptable for the lady, she will refuse to keep on communication the day she knows about it.

I hear almost everyday, I select with 30 years difference because I want to have a child. But can you answer my question: Why the lady should even consider somebody 30 years older to bring him a child? How you can attract her attention? What you can bring to her life that she will decide to date somebody older than her parents? If she wants to have a child so much, it’s much more clever from her side to get pregnant from a younger man, it’s healthier , anyway the father will not be at a high school graduation.

And if you do have answer to question, why she should like you, please show it into your profile. Make better photos. write better description of your character and hobbies and place where you live. If you are over sixty, but you consider yourself to be young in soul – show it. Or, maybe it’ll be better to find the lady at the end of her forties, also young and active – and she will be much better companion for your active and happy life than somebody at 35 so desperate and unpopular that cannot find anybody younger

My video seems to be very long. And i am sure, you are not happy with what I am saying. Because the other agencies offer you anybody, they assure you that you can get everything, just pay money. And I want to be sincere with you. I want to help you to find happy relationship for many years.

Ok now you can estimate why the feedback was not so successful. You can always ask the agency how you can improve your profile / choice in order to raisen the positive feedback rate. By the way, good feedback rate is not 100%, it starts at 40 %, for the best profiles we have like 80% of positive replies. Why is it so? Because some ladies prefer bald guys, some ladies like firefighters, blondes/brunetts, ski-lovers and so on. So twice in 20 years we had like. 100% Have a nice day, have a nice quality profile, have a nice feedback from the ladies.